Dating and relationships, or, what I’m doing with my life (not dating duds)

I wanted to talk a little about dating and relationships. I am thinking about it, because of the recording of Trump degrading women that came out recently. I want to say that I have been on a journey to self respect in terms of dating and what types of behavior I will and will not accept from other people towards me. I used to date a crap ton of jerks, starting with the very first guy I dated when I was 18. He cheated on me, and it had a huge effect on me. It made me feel horribly insecure, and like I wasn’t worth anybody’s love or time. The first guy I lost my virginity to was manipulative, and I got a feeling he was going through something, but I wanted to lose my virginity so badly, that I didn’t listen to my intuition. He dumped me a few days later, which was scarring. Those teenage chick flick movies I’d romanticized over so much, were just plain lies. I did date one guy, my senior year in college, who did treat me well for the most part, and didn’t just want to sleep with me. But for many reasons, it didn’t work out. For 5 years, up until this summer, I was best friends with an ex, and I let him treat me poorly, because I was lonely, and addicted to my relationship with him. From the time I was 30-32, I dated online. There was so much disrespect there it wasn’t even funny. I don’t really understand how people do online dating. It has never worked out for me. I am still on this journey toward self respect, I’m sure, but lately, I have been very proud of myself, because I am no longer accepting disrespectful behavior towards me in dating and relationships. Over the summer, I cut ties with the ex / best friend, and while it was actually very hard at first, and I still miss him, I believe what I did is already benefitting me. I’m starting to face the things I avoid, and while it’s difficult, challenging, and my progress doesn’t go in a straight line, I never would be doing it if I was still spending time with him.

The last time I went on a date, was over the summer. He was a library clerk who I thought was really nice and friendly. He was 25 though, and while our first date was nice, our second one raised a ton of red flags for me and he showed me who he really was. He drove me to my car after a movie we’d gone to, and we kissed, which led him to then become a horny animal who couldn’t control himself. While a part of me liked it, a more mature, alert, wise Amy said: “Amy this is not right. This is your second date and you know nothing about this person. Even the things he is saying to you is raising flags and I think he is going to hurt you if you continue anything with this guy. Don’t stick around to find out how.” So I left, and while getting out of the car, he groped my ass. I told him not to touch me, and shut the door. Despite my past, I still have hope that I’ll meet a nice guy someday (I know some already, actually), and if I meet him, great! If I don’t, just know that in the meantime, I’m not spending my time on duds anymore. That time goes to living my life: listening to great music, reading all the books my heart desires, being kind to others (it’s contagious, you know), dancing, working on myself (I’m the only person I can change), being assertive, writing, blogging, learning new things, and so much more! I’m also seriously considering getting a cat. 🙂 So in the famous words of Forrest Gump, that’s all I’ve got to say about that. I’m not going to comment more on Trump, except to say that I think he sets a bad example for other men, and women. I have friends and family members who are voting for him, and in the words of director Liz Manashil, “If you vote for Trump, you’re still a friend to me! If you vote for Hillary, you’re still a friend to me, too! Third party voters? Go ahead, it’s your right! Nobody’s perfect.”

 

happy-kitteh

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