I feel like I’ve gotten kind of lax on myself when it comes to being impulsive. I wrote something impulsive and emotional related on facebook, again, which I erased. I also was really stupid and contacted the 25 year old library clerk who just wants sex. I want to thank my mom for talking me out of meeting him on Monday. Some people don’t listen to their parents at all. I do. Me and my mom don’t agree with everything, but with issues like this, she’s like my conscience. I was not feeling good about having contacted him.
1. I’ve been doing more social things and following through. I’m so proud of myself!
2. I’m sitting here drinking peppermint tea, listening to a music mix that includes Explosions in the sky, wye oak, diet cig, radiator hospital, and ps eliot.
3. I took a Chinese language class today and liked it. A lot!
4. You know what, I think I should stop running away from what I perceive as “boring.” I read in a self help book once, that healthy relationships can be boring! Sometimes I think that boring is my compass. Just like people say, “what you fear is your compass to what you need to go towards.” I need to go towards the “boring.”
5. I’d like to find other ways to amuse and entertain myself besides impulsively buying cupcakes, talking to unhealthy men, and posting negatively fueled posts on Facebook. Let’s do this. Doodle, draw, write a story, paint, listen to a music mix that matches my emotions, or lifts me up. Find the silver lining in everything. Start writing daily gratitude lists again! Meditate daily! Your body, soul, and mental health will thank you. Call or IM a friend. Make a collage of how I want to live and who I want to be. Visualize.
6. Despite the fact that I have been impulsive lately, I’m actually really proud of myself that I’m catching myself, and being clear and aware of it. That’s huge for me.